WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a televised statement at the White House, President Donald Trump addressed the nation to make a statement concerning Iran. As he approached the microphone, he loosened his belt, dropped his trousers, and mooned the cameras while shouting "this is for you, Iran."
As the conference was being broadcast live across the world, Iranian leadership immediately surrendered as Trump's pants came down. "It was a huge moment in American history. Our president taking decisive, clear action toward an enemy of freedom," said Secretary of State Mike Pompeo.
"Like his methods or not, he's effective," commented senator Lindsey Graham.
Trump said he plans to use the tactic on North Korea and China next.
Breaking: Paypal Now Available
Many of you told us you wouldn't subscribe until we offered Paypal as a payment option. You apparently weren't bluffing, so we finally caved and added Paypal. Now — like the unbeliever faced with God's invisible qualities displayed in nature — you are without excuse.