Trump Has Spoken: These 12 Crimes Of Sedition Are Now Punishable By Death

Provoked by Democratic lawmakers calling on the military to refuse orders from their commander-in-chief, President Donald Trump made several posts on Truth Social declaring a long list of crimes as sedition and punishable by death.

The Babylon Bee has compiled the following list of crimes that will be met with swift justice:

Fast-forwarding through his cameos in Home Alone 2 and The Little Rascals: "This is HATE SPEECH and LITERAL VIOLENCE. Thank you for your attention to this matter!"
Getting his McDonald's order wrong: "I used to work there. I was a TREMENDOUS and TALENTED fry cook, everyone said so. I NEVER GOT AN ORDER WRONG!"
Failing to rewind a videotape before returning it to Blockbuster: "If you keep doing this, we WON'T HAVE A COUNTRY ANYMORE!!! An example MUST BE SET!"
Saying "China" without the proper Trump accent: "Anyone caught saying 'China' the dumb way will be considered a SPY and tried for TREASON!"
Calling Washington's NFL team anything other than the Redskins: "I love all Indians. Except for Elizabeth 'Pocahontas' Warren. Wa-wa-wa-wa! That's an Indian noise. Make The Redskins Great Again!"
Asking to see his tax returns: "I have been under audit for 95 years, and I know more about business than you do. That makes me smart, believe me."
Wearing green army fatigues to an Oval Office meeting: "If you don't wear a suit, you are ROLLING THE DICE with WORLD WAR 3. Not good!"
Crying during the taping of your late-night show: "America wants to laugh, not cry at you losers! Seditious!"
Editing footage to make it look like he encouraged an insurrection to overthrow the U.S. government: "Don't be FAKE NEWS! I have already declared war on the BBC. And on Great Britain, which is not so great!"
Saying his hands are small: "These lies cannot be allowed to stand — my hands are PERFECTLY NORMAL. Maybe the greatest hands. Many have said so."
Stealing bars of soap from a Trump hotel: "Unacceptable. Those bars of soap are NOT CHEAP. We use great soap. So many stolen bars. Over time, it ADDS UP."
Shooting him: "I shouldn't even have to say this, but shooting me is NOT RIGHT! TERRIBLER! Don't do it."

Engage in any of the activities listed above at your own risk. You have been warned. What other acts should be classified as seditious? Post them in the comments below.