U.S. — National productivity skyrocketed on Thursday after Microsoft Teams went down, affording millions of Americans the rare opportunity to actually do their jobs.
Thousands of corporate meetings were canceled due to the outage, leading to an unprecedented spike in employee performance.
"It's been years since I was able to come to work and actually do my job," said local man Brian Mercer. "I've had a dozen projects piling up since last spring, which all get changed every time there's another meeting. All it took was one day without any input, and they're all done."
The remarkable burst of productivity sparked panic among middle managers, who suddenly had no reliable way to determine whether their employees were working.
"I can't see anyone's little green dot," said department supervisor Karen Whitmore. "People keep sending me finished work, but where is the dot? How can we possibly achieve synergy without the monitoring of green dots?"
Microsoft assured customers that engineers were working urgently to address the situation.
"We're aware of all the work being done during the outage," a company spokesperson said. "We understand how frustrating this is, and promise to put a stop to all that work just as soon as possible."
At publishing time, Teams had come back online, shutting down national productivity until the next Microsoft outage.
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