WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Trump calmed an anxious world today with assurances that nothing bad has ever happened in the wake of a vicious dictator invading Poland.
With news breaking overnight that NATO fighter jets had been scrambled to intercept Russian drones entering Poland's airspace, Trump sought to remind everyone that, historically speaking, invasions of Poland have turned out just fine.
"It's not a big deal, dictators invading Poland, nothing to be alarmed about," said Trump. "Nothing major has ever come of it. It's just Poland, after all. Not much happening there, believe me, just sausages and Catholics. It will blow over, it always has before."
According to sources on the ground in Poland, citizens were less than reassured. "I just can't help feeling like this might lead to some sort of wider war," said Polish man Aleksander Bartosz. "Perhaps some sort of global conflict with rough alliances, where most nations of the world get steadily sucked in. I don't know, I just can't help but feel like this sort of thing is possible."
At publishing time, Trump had told Americans not to worry about Russia, China and North Korea deciding to call themselves the "Axis Powers."
California transplants Steve and Timpani try to be the perfect Texas hosts for Brittuni's visit, but Steve quickly realizes he needs a sensible vehicle now that he's about to become a dad.
