WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump issued an executive order on Friday authorizing the use of Poké Balls to catch illegal immigrants.
In their continuing quest to clear the country of illegal aliens, ICE agents will now be outfitted with Poké Balls as part of their standard equipment. Poké Balls can be used to safely catch and transport illegal aliens after officers dwindle their HP down to a suitable level, according to Trump.
"I've been told these can help us catch 'em all," Trump said. "So I've authorized the use of every variation of the Poké Ball. We've got Great Balls, Ultra Balls, you name it. The most tremendous balls you've ever seen."
The Department of Homeland Security has reportedly been working with Professor Oak, the inventor of the Poké Ball, for years, but this was the first time his devices had been authorized for use on humans. "You can't get detailed data on illegal aliens by just seeing them," said Professor Oak. "You must catch them! Use these to capture wild illegals. Or, collect them and sell them to other collectors at insanely inflated prices."
At publishing time, ICE agents had reportedly began using captured illegal aliens to battle others in their quest to deport them all.
Protect yourself from the modern day gestapo!
