SPRINGFIELD, MO — St. Luke's Lutheran Church of Springfield updated all of its sanctuary's stained-glass windows with "breakaway glass" for introverts to use during the sharing of the peace.
Church elders hoped the breakaway glass, designed to snap easily with minimal force, would prevent injuries while allowing introverts a smooth avenue for escape.
"We had to do something, what with how badly Jerry got hurt trying to escape out the back window," said elder John Masterson. "Mrs. Nuttall turned to say 'Peace be with you', and Jerry, he tried to jump through the stained glass. He didn't count on the glass being that thick, poor Jerry. Smashed his head right on the image of the wine being raised by the Lord and knocked himself out cold. It was quite the scene. Lots of blood."
According to congregants, Jerry was not the first introverted parishioner who suffered a serious injury during the passing of the peace. "Mrs. Wentworth literally set herself on fire," said fellow church member David Donlon. "Tried to vault over the altar and nicked a candle. She was a blaze of glory, Mrs. Wentworth. Terrible burns, though. At this point, the breakaway stained glass was a no-brainer."
At publishing time, visitor Jeremy Vintner became the first person to take advantage of the escape route, narrowly avoiding a blessing of peace from Mrs. Nuttall.
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