JUPITER, FL — A Florida court suspended golf legend Tiger Woods' driver's license for five years after an investigation determined that he is half-Asian.
County Court Judge Darren Steele issued the ruling after prosecutors presented overwhelming evidence that Woods, despite his physical appearance, is part Thai and Chinese.
"For the safety of the public, we cannot allow a half-Asian back on the road," said Judge Steele to Woods. "If you were just a quarter-Asian, perhaps we could work out a deal. But 50 percent is way too much. I hereby immediately suspend your driving privileges and order you to have a driver — of a non-Asian variety — to always chauffeur you to your destination."
Woods appeared dejected, but did not attempt to protest the ruling. "I deeply apologize to my family, friends, and all my fans for callously choosing to drive despite being part-Asian," said Woods in a statement. "The facts are the facts. I knew what I was doing was unsafe, yet I chose to do it anyway. I accept the court's ruling and look forward to moving on with my life."
At publishing time, Woods had excitedly returned to the driver's seat after being issued a California commercial driver's license.
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