U.S. — Up-and-coming crime reporter Megan Coolidge said she was excited to hear about the latest gruesome kidnapping case, as it would be a huge boost to her career.
"Oh, yay!" Coolidge said upon hearing that an innocent person had been abducted. "My career has been stalling, and I've been waiting for something like this come along. Just the thing I needed!"
As news of the crime broke early this week, Coolidge ran excitedly into her editor's office and begged him to let her cover the story.
"This is fantastic news!" she was heard saying to her boss. "I mean, it's sad and everything for the family, but wow! You've got to let me cover this one. It will be so good for me, please let me do this."
Witnesses said Coolidge was later seen skipping happily down the halls of the news outlet where she works, whistling to herself as she called police for details on the grisly crime.
"We're going to go wall-to-wall with this! 24/7 coverage!" she said. "I'm going to be a star! And also, condolences to the family. I hope they find their loved one."
At publishing time, Coolidge had been seen screaming at the wardrobe department to find her the perfect on-camera outfit that exudes sympathy and concern, but that also slimmed her and brought out the color of her eyes.
Protect yourself from the modern day gestapo!
