WASHINGTON, D.C. — Adding to a list of bold initiatives that had included speculative goals to annex Greenland and absorb Canada as a new state, President Donald Trump announced a new plan to make California a part of the United States.
According to inside sources, the plan came about due to Trump's dream to provide the oppressed people of California with the same freedoms and liberties experienced by citizens of the United States.
"It's time to once again spread democracy outside our borders," Trump said in a brief statement to the media. "For far too long, the downtrodden people of California have suffered under a brutally oppressive regime. The time is now for America to act and break the chains holding Californians captive and introduce them to the hope of a brighter, freer future as part of the United States. I've heard it's called the ‘Golden State.' I like gold, don't you, folks? And they have really good produce. You've got to have good fruit."
Californians overwhelmingly supported the plan. "Yes! Please, save us! We'd love to be a part of the U.S.!" shouted California resident Bobby Biriescu. "Our people are being crushed under this despotic rule. We want to be free! We would welcome our American liberators with open arms. We have oranges!"
At publishing time, Trump administration sources indicated that the plan was moving forward quickly, with the goal of potentially annexing California by the summer so Americans could visit Disneyland without having to travel outside the U.S.
Travis is back on his mission to interview everyone. Next on the list is celebrity chef and restauranteur Andrew Gruel.
