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Top 7 Replacement Swears For True Christians

Even though you’re a good Christian, you probably get angry once in a while. Hey, shoot happens.

But real believers know never to say a cuss word, even in their worst moments. Using the world’s most powerful computer, we’ve generated a list of the top 7 replacement swears to begin using in your everyday life, for a closer walk with Christ.

Well, what are you waiting for? Go stub your toe and try one of these puppies on for size!

1.) “By the beard of Spurgeon!” – What could be more wholesome than swearing by the blessed beard of C.H. Spurgeon himself? Advanced Christians can even swear by his cigars.

2.) “What in the literal worldwide Flood?” – Good F-bomb replacements are hard to come by. Now you can season your speech with salt by making a reference to the literal, 40-day, worldwide flood in the book of Genesis.

3.) “Holy Chick-fil-A, Bibleman!” – Just mash up every Christian pop culture reference you can think of into one solid exclamation. It’s how we write most of our articles on the Bee, too!

4.) “Go straight to Sheol, you son of a Baal!” – You can basically say the same thing as a secular swear, but show off your Bible knowledge at the same time by replacing words with biblical references. Spiritual points for everyone!

5.) “Aw, McGee and me!” – The old Focus on the Family series even had an exclamation mark right in the title, so it comes ready made for use as a sanctified swear word. Plus, “Adventures in Odyssey” just doesn’t flow off the tongue.

6.) “Why don’t you go eat a Testamint!” – Rather than telling someone to eat something unsanitary, suggest that they eat the sanctified breath mint.

7.) “May you be forced to sing ‘Trading My Sorrows’ for all eternity!” – A curse this evil is to be used sparingly. Use this curse only for the worst of your enemies, like Democrats or charismatics.

Well? Get to cussin’, Christian!