Brought to you by:
Homeschooling can be a controversial topic among Christians, but it shouldn’t be. It’s the only choice for real believers. In addition to the obvious reasons like better test scores, family values, and the ability to ensure your children never, ever encounter a secular worldview before they turn 18, homeschooling gives you a lot of street cred with the other parents in your hood.
While there are 10,000 reasons for your heart to find to praise homeschooling, we’ve narrowed them down to just the top 5:
1.) The earth can be whatever age you say it is. 6,000 years? Sure, go for it. 4 billion and some change? Knock yourself out. You could even tell your kids the earth is a virtual simulation implanted in our minds by machines that enslaved us after a war for control of the earth’s resources, if you want to.
2.) Your kids can graduate early, like before they hit puberty or before they even get out of the womb. While late-blooming homeschool kids might graduate high school when they’re 13, the average homeschooler graduates well before puberty. A few outliers have even graduated before they were officially born. Now that’s something you can brag about.
3.) You can teach your children important life skills like math, science, Latin, Sindarin, and looking down on everyone who doesn’t homeschool. While those public school kids are still learning how to tie their shoes, you can jump-start your children’s knowledge of extremely useful subjects, fictional languages, and the all-important life skill of sneering at people who went to public school. Don’t worry, they won’t pick up on your condescending attitude any more than they know how to do basic algebra.
4.) You’ll get to feel the raw, unadulterated power of being able to shape the minds of future generations coursing through your veins like holy fire. It’s a high unlike any other, and it’s not just for public school teachers anymore. The power coursing through your veins will quickly become addicting.
5.) God will love you more. This is probably the best reason: God will simply love you more if you homeschool. Favor from the Most High usually isn’t easy to obtain by our own efforts, but with homeschooling, it is!