SACRAMENTO, CA — This week, the California State Assembly announced that they have passed a new measure requiring men to demonstrate solidarity with the trans community by sitting when they pee.
"When the state legislature first introduced bill P.33.51T, or the 'Sit Together' Act, I knew we had to make this happen," said California Governor Gavin Newsom. "I mean, I've never once peed standing up - but as always, I am the exception that proves the rule of bigotry."
The law includes provisions for the demolition of existing urinals, with "reading stations" rebuilt in their place. These reading stations will include copies of inclusive reading material helping cis-men learn to do better. The government said it plans to pay for the reading material with all the money saved on janitors since men should no longer miss the pot and pee on the floor.
Critics say that the men's bathroom lines may now exceed women's bathroom lines, but advocates foresee an expected windfall for mobile game developers. Some industry leaders have already driven up the stock of the biggest mobile games, with genius stock-guesser Paul Pelosi recording a massive gain in his portfolio following the legislation.
At publishing time, the state's 9 remaining conservatives were taken into custody after being caught standing up to pee. They are expected to undergo gender re-education training, followed by gender reassignment surgery to help really increase their inclusiveness.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
