NEW YORK, NY—ABC Studios has contracted Alex Jones for a set of ten episodes to boost the trustworthiness of 'The View' as they recover from a scandal regarding Whoopi Goldberg's Holocaust comments. Jones, best known for warning the world about gay frogs and being 100% right about almost everything years before everyone else, is loaning some of his credibility to the program in exchange for a hefty payday.
"We've known for a long time that Whoopi was a problem but we couldn't fire her because she's a woman of color," admitted showrunner Antolita Mugworm. "But then she handed us a great anti-semitic gift and now it's time to course-correct. Alex will bring much-needed dignity and reliability to the show."
Other hosts of 'The View,' who are under contract and cannot be fired without cause, are not happy with their new co-host. Joy Behar, in particular, has speculated the producers are trying to force the other hosts out by driving them toward insanity.
"He's a white man!" said Behar, one of the hosts of 'The View' and an alleged comedian. "What could he possibly add to a conversation between women from different generations?"
"Yes, I'm aware there's no such thing as a woman anymore, but still."
The left, celebrities, and athletes will take money from China, but they sure don't like talking about China. Tap your foot to the hit song parody of "We Don't Talk About Bruno"!