HEAVEN - The Almighty posted His Wordle score in the heavens once again this morning, racking up his 230th perfect guess in a row. God guessed the word in just one attempt again, a feat mathematicians are calling "a statistical impossibility unless you're cheating. Or else, you know, you're God."
Every morning, faithful followers look up and see the five green squares God proudly displays for His own glory.
"Honestly, He's just showing off now," mumbled Ryan Hastings of Phoenix as he looked up and saw the score in the sky this morning. Hastings guessed the word in just four tries today, a score he was "pretty proud of", until he saw the Lord of all creation's score in the heavens. "It's pretty much just not fair when you're omniscient, you know?"
"Just once I'd like to see Him hit the wrong letter and botch it -- you know, take two or three tries. It'd certainly make me feel better about those days when it takes me six tries or I cheat and Google the answer on the last attempt. But, alas. He is God."
Insiders claim that not only does God know the Wordle answer each and every day, He actually ordained all of them in eternity past, calling into question His ability to play the game fairly and impartially. Some open theists argue God neither knows nor ordained the answer, making His guesses legitimate, though these open theists are heretics.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
