NEW YORK, NY - ABC Studios has contracted Alex Jones for a set of ten episodes to boost the trustworthiness of 'The View' as they recover from a scandal regarding Whoopi Goldberg's Holocaust comments. Jones, best known for warning the world about gay frogs and being 100% right about almost everything years before everyone else, is loaning some of his credibility to the program in exchange for a hefty payday.
"We've known for a long time that Whoopi was a problem but we couldn't fire her because she's a woman of color," admitted showrunner Antolita Mugworm. "But then she handed us a great anti-semitic gift and now it's time to course-correct. Alex will bring much-needed dignity and reliability to the show."
Other hosts of 'The View,' who are under contract and cannot be fired without cause, are not happy with their new co-host. Joy Behar, in particular, has speculated the producers are trying to force the other hosts out by driving them toward insanity.
"He's a white man!" said Behar, one of the hosts of 'The View' and an alleged comedian. "What could he possibly add to a conversation between women from different generations?"
"Yes, I'm aware there's no such thing as a woman anymore, but still."
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
