MILWAUKEE, WI — Sources close to local man Jackson Trent say he just wants however many deportations are needed for him to no longer have to push 1 for English.
"I... can't... take it anymore," Trent told reporters as he waited on hold after pressing "1" for English. "Trump needs to get ICE working harder ASAP."
While Trent describes himself as "not very political," he says he's sick and tired of having to press 1 for English every time he calls his bank, insurance company, doctor's office, or gym.
"I support however many deportations are necessary for me to no longer have to waste my time pressing 1 for my country's native language," Trent ranted to his wife after sitting through another half-hour phone menu listing the various non-English languages he could use with his insurance agent. "This is America, for crying out loud...give me English, or give me death!"
At publishing time, Trent had also come out in support of however many tax cuts are necessary for him not to have to give most of his income to the government.
The Washington Commanders aren't the only sports team in Trump's crosshairs.
