DETROIT, MI — Coming under heavy criticism over allegedly false claims about his military service, Minnesota governor and current vice presidential candidate Tim Walz clarified that he's never been to Iraq, but he has been to downtown Minneapolis, which is basically the same thing.

After Walz faced accusations of "stolen valor" after repeatedly claiming to have seen combat in Iraq, he admitted that while he had never actually been there, he had spent a lot of time in and around the hellish, war-torn landscape of downtown Minneapolis, meaning he had likely experienced the same type of horror.

"Believe me, it's just as nasty out there," Walz said. "During my time as governor, the level of decay and danger that permeated Minneapolis isn't anything to shake a stick at. So, while I must admit I never actually set foot in Iraq, per se, I would have to argue that my extensive time spent in downtown Minneapolis has given me experience that is just as — if not more — sobering and life-changing than anyone who served in Iraq."

As part of his explanation, Walz recounted the terrible threats and harrowing events he witnessed in Minneapolis while he was in charge. "You name it, I've seen it," he said. "Insurgents, acts of terrorism, mobs of people screaming ‘Allahu akbar,' improvised explosive devices… they're all commonplace in Minneapolis these days. It's a scary place."

At publishing time, Walz expressed heartache over an incident when multiple members of his staff were injured by an RPG fired at the governor's motorcade while they stopped for some fried walleye cheeks.

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