Church
Theologians: Reading Babylon Bee Articles On Sunday Counts As Church Attendance

U.S.—Theologians now believe reading Babylon Bee articles on a Sunday counts as church attendance.

Leading pastors and theologians across the country all agreed, saying that if you don't go to church, reading The Babylon Bee is "just as sanctifying."

"You're learning things about theology, Christian living, some politics, everyday life -- it's pretty much as good as a sermon," said Pastor John MacArthur. "Before I go to the pulpit, I pray, read the Word, and check The Babylon Bee. It's always good for a chuckle -- and it's great for your spiritual life too."

"Yeah, you pretty much don't ever have to go to church again," said Pastor Andy Stanley. "Just fire up the computer or your smartphone and read The Bee. Click on all the articles and a few ads, or even become a paid subscriber. It's way better than church!"

Former pastor Rob Bell, now a hobo in California, seemed to agree, saying, "Entropy. Entropy is the meaning. It's the force, the presence, the essence. When chaos meets life and life meets death, there the eternal being of the resonance of the universe is found. And there, I am found."

Well, there you have it. Welcome to church!

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