LAKELAND, FL — According to sources, local man Doug Bolters expressed his extreme displeasure at the signing of the Respect for Marriage Act which enshrines gay marriage into law, saying it is "extremely disrespectful to the institution of marriage." Bolters is on his third marriage.
"What's this country coming to? I thought marriage was sacred!" said the man who divorced his first wife after meeting his second wife, who he cheated on before meeting his third wife. "The bill is poorly named! There's just no respect for marriage anymore!" Bolters then climbed onto his Harley Davidson to go cheat on his 3rd wife with his 10th mistress.
Leftists were quick to point out Bolters' hypocrisy, stating that since he seemed to have such little respect for marriage, they might as well be allowed to blow up the institution altogether and twerk in front of kids at the public library. "The only way to truly respect marriage is to let us unrecognizably desecrate it beyond all repair," said local man Gub Duumheim, a Leftist. "It's only fair."
Lawmakers, however, said they look forward to welcoming the LGBTQ community into their tradition of disrespecting marriage in hopes that the wrath of God might be spread out across more people, and thus hurt a little less when it happens.
At publishing time Bolters had announced his engagement to his 10th mistress.
Kamala Harris is out of a job, but luckily we've got ten great career options just for her.
