When socialism arrives, you're going to want to be ready to "look at the glass as half-full" – even if the glass is empty or even if there is no glass! Here are 10 new perspectives you can adopt in the glorious socialist utopia that will help you make the best of things!
- You can finally meet your weight loss goal: If current trends hold, you'll be down to a slim, girlish 75 pounds by end-of-year!
- Your wife will be limited to only a couple of decorative pillows: Save the leather couch cushions to boil into this year's neighborhood stone soup festival!
- Kids aren't nearly as noisy when they're dehydrated: For big families living under socialism, silver linings abound!
- Everyone is happy: It helps that the complainers seem to just disappear!
- You'll meet all kinds of nice people while standing in line: Broaden your horizons. Or should we say "breaden" your horizons? Eh? EH?
- No election fraud: It's easier when there are no elections!
- No long lines at Starbucks: It's easier when there's no Starbucks!
- You get to choose from one of two exciting books at the public library: Das Kapital by Marx and Becoming by Michelle Obama. What more do you need?
- No more depressing news: The state news media is always so positive about how the government is doing – it lifts the spirits of any patriotic citizen!
- You won't feel lonely anymore: Big Brother will always be with you!
It's all about perspective – just remember to look on the bright side – or else!
Before you go, I need the help of every Babylon Bee reader…
The most influential factor in kids' lives today is where they spend most of their time: school.
So it shouldn't come as a surprise that our young people are feeling ashamed of our country and are voting for socialist candidates, because public schools throughout America are pushing socialism and woke-ism into the minds of our nation's kids every single day.
To help combat this, I want to put a set of Tuttle Twins books in every public school library in America. By doing so, kids will finally have the chance to love liberty and understand how the government should work.
Even better - my friends at Moms for Liberty have stepped up and offered to hand deliver them.
If you want to see a set of these books in a school near you, click here and tell me your ZIP code so we can fulfill your request!
Author, Tuttle Twins
Founder, Libertas Institute
By now the whole internet has heard Ben Shapiro rapping, but did you know that there are actually two more verses they cut out of the track?