CLAREMONT, CA - A groundbreaking new study from researchers at Harvey Mudd College has uncovered a definitive link between small children and dehydration: bedtime. Professors with the Biology and Chemistry departments worked with a team of postgraduate students to monitor the hydration levels and fluid intake of children ages 2-10 over a period of six months.
Professor Arthur Curry, a leading biologist with the college, said in a statement, "It's long been a mystery why children crave more water in the evenings than during the day. Toddlers and pre-teens can run around for hours without a drink of water on a hot summer day but as night approaches they appear to require numerous pints of water to survive. It's a strange phenomenon and we feel confident that we've finally cracked the code."
"In 100% of all cases, children were not thirsty at all. They just didn't want to go to bed and would find any excuse they could to get out of it."
According to a paper published in Scientific American, Dr. Curry purports that children have developed a number of strategies to avoid bedtime but that a need for water is the most prevalent.
Younger children have a variety of excuses in their repertoire. As they grow older, their pre-bedtime needs are gradually whittled down until they're only asking for water, presumably because it's an excuse parents fall for more often. [Scientific American. (1845). New York :Munn & Co.]
The reaction of parents to the new findings has been mostly negative.
"Well duh," many have reportedly said.
Satan held a press conference today responding to the big loss of Roe v. Wade. He's doing his best to keep his chin up.