WASHINGTON, D.C. — The algae from the Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool surged ahead of former Vice President Kamala Harris in polls for the Democratic Party's 2028 presidential nomination.
The news came over the weekend after many Democrats expressed approval of the green sludge covering much of the newly renovated reflecting pond in front of the national monument. Many said they thought the ooze adequately reflected their values and political objectives over other potential candidates like Harris.
"I like that stuff," Democratic voter Kelsey Waters said. "I'd vote for it in a heartbeat. It knows how to stand up to Republicans, and it seems to really be able to get the job done. Kamala was good, but I think the algae would do a better job leading the country."
The green goop surged ahead of all other candidates after Democrats saw how well it was able to undermine President Trump's efforts to clean up the reflecting pool.
"I'll vote for anyone or anything that opposes Donald Trump, be it Kamala Harris, Gavin Newsom, or non-sentient green pond scum," Democrats Thomas Miller said. "To be honest, the pond scum has the best platform proposals right now of any of the other candidates."
At publishing time, the reflecting pool algae had also outperformed all members of Congress in the most recent approval polls.
Behold! Woke Jesus is teaching when the Pharisees bring to him a woman caught in adultery. Listen and learn from this cherished Bible story about how Woke Jesus turned to intersectionality.
