The World Cup has brought real excitement to these American shores, and not just in the form of soccer, but in the innocent, wide-eyed discoveries of European tourists experiencing the United States for the first time.
Here are some of their most surprising discoveries:
Football is actually called "soccer": All this time, they were calling it by the wrong name.
Americans prefer a sport called "baseball" where no one kicks anything: How can you have a sport with no kicks?
It's surprisingly difficult to be stabbed by a Muslim: You can find it on any street corner in the UK.
The police won't raid your house if you share a meme: Go ahead and be funny, Europeans.
Currency is not multicolored and the size of a manila envelope: You can actually fit it in your pocket.
Americans are even fatter than expected: Given the abundance of delicious food, it's no surprise.
Trump is not actually out on the streets murdering minorities: The BBC has been lying this whole time.
No one has heard of many small European countries: Most Americans just assume Moldova is a prescription drug to fight plaque psoriasis.
Americans don't take six-hour lunch breaks or have a designated nap time: What are they, machines?
There are designated places where highly trained professionals will clean your teeth: What type of sorcery is this?
There's a strange concept here called "liberty": This is likely a reference to an old wooden ship from the Civil War.
Knight Rider isn't real: This is among the most disappointing revelations.
Everyone hates Meghan Markle here, too: Maybe America has more in common with the rest of the world than previously believed.
America is truly the greatest country on earth. What do you think a foreigner would find most appealing about the United States? Let us know in the comments.
Behold! Woke Jesus is teaching when the Pharisees bring to him a woman caught in adultery. Listen and learn from this cherished Bible story about how Woke Jesus turned to intersectionality.
