COLUMBUS, OH — Researchers at The Ohio State University have concluded a decades-long study that confirms once and for all that it really is all Steve's fault.
Whether the nuisance be bad weather, a flat tire, or a severe case of acid indigestion, in the end it all comes back to Steve.
"The science is clear: it's all Steve's fault," announced lead researcher Dr. Kevin Marrone. "Eventually, every one of your problems can be traced to something Steve did. He really is the worst. Steve."
Scientists who conducted the project were shocked by the results, as they kept believing they would find something that wasn't Steve's fault. "I just kept thinking surely there was something out there Steve wasn't responsible for," said Dr. Emily Rataski. "A famine in Africa, a typhoon, something. But it turns out, Steve really is to blame. Ugh, that guy."
At publishing time, Steve had admitted that the researchers were right, and he really is sorry.
Desperate to win back male voters, Democrat strategists propose bold new ideas.
