U.S. - Spirit Halloween has opened up thousands of new venues on the empty grocery store shelves across the country, sources confirmed Friday. The pop-up Halloween stores showed up overnight, hanging banners along bread aisles, toilet paper aisles, meat aisles, and shelves previously home to all kinds of other basic necessities.
The costume and party supply store will sell its wares at tiny little stores all along the shelves. Shoppers who are unable to acquire bread and milk will be able to treat themselves to tiny little costumes and Halloween accessories.
"Please be aware that none of our products are edible," said CEO David S. Pumpkins. "In fact, they probably contain lead paint and stuff since they're from China. So if you're starving we can't help you, but we hope we can at least brighten your day with a little Halloween cheer!"
Sources did confirm that for especially desperate people, the rubber Freddy Krueger masks are somewhat edible if you boil them long enough.
Unfortunately, the Spirit Halloween shelves remained bare since their entire stock is still sitting on a stranded cargo ship outside Long Beach.
In this instructional video, Chinese soldiers are trained how to shout the wrong pronouns at American forces: