SODOM AND GOMORRAH — Both the city of Sodom and the city of Gomorrah have declared a state of emergency immediately in response to the Monkeypox outbreak. The cities are now providing all the resources they can so citizens can continue their orgies without interruption.
"We're ALL at risk here. And there's absolutely nothing that we can choose not to do to avoid becoming infected. Our only hope is getting vaccinated for monkeypox," said Sodom city spokesman Yavin Nusam. "So let's keep our heads up, come together, and take PRIDE in our city!"
City officials fear that this public health crisis is an existential threat to their way of life in Sodom and Gomorrah. According to sources, many citizens are afraid that if Monkeypox continues to spread that Sodom Summer and Orgy October may have to be canceled this year.
"I just don't know what I would've done if it wasn't for this vaccine," said local Gommorah school teacher Jon Glitterbum, they/them. "My kindergarten class would have been devastated if I was out sick, unable to continue our lesson on systemic racism and sinphobia."
At publishing time, burning sulfur rained down from the heavens on Sodom and Gomorrah in a celestial event experts say was unrelated to the Monkeypox outbreak.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
