SOUTH BEND, IN — After finding herself unnecessarily upset about a thoughtful critique from her husband regarding her shoe collection and a dearth of closet space, dutiful wife Clarissa Zwygart was able to calm down after her husband wisely counseled her to calm down.

"Thanks, honey," said Clarissa, now calm, to her husband. "I appreciate your wisdom and leadership. I don't even remember what I was so upset about."

Clarissa then proceeded to make her husband a sandwich.

At publishing time, Clarissa's husband Hal had fixed the toilet immediately following his wife's thoughtful suggestion to fix the toilet.

Here is a comprehensive list of the only instances it is acceptable for men to shed a tear.