CHICAGO, IL — Americans are beginning to suspect President Obama might be gay after being spotted driving about town in a new Ford Raptor while drinking a Bud Light.

"Well, that settles it," said Dr. Michael Fitzpatrick, independent researcher and photographic evidence analyst. "The guy on Tucker Carlson giving details of a gay encounter with Obama is one thing, but this photo is pretty much a nail in the coffin. Bud Light and a Ford Raptor? It would be difficult for him to try to deny it at this point."

Though rumors have persisted for years regarding Obama's private life, public interest in the subject was renewed after Carlson's explosive interview on the social media platform X. Experts now view the sudden appearance of these new photos as conclusive proof. "C'mon, he's drinking Bud Light," said Professor Patrick Fitzmichael, colleague and inseparably close friend of Dr. Fitzpatrick. "We all know what that means. And driving a Ford Raptor? That points to the only possible conclusion. If there are more conclusive photographs to prove Obama's gayness, we don't want to see them. Seriously. Please don't show them to us."

President Obama's team offered no response to continued requests for comment on the photographs other than the release of a vague statement reading, "President Obama has long been a fan of beer and pickup trucks and believes beer and pickup trucks of all types should be treated with acceptance and inclusivity."

At publishing time, new rumors had begun to circulate that Obama's wife Michelle is trans after photos surfaced of her shopping at Target.

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