AMMAN — As experts and diplomats continue to search for the solution to the generations-long conflict in the region, one surprising study has concluded that problems in the Middle East should definitely be blamed on the 0.3% of it that isn't an Islamic dictatorship.
Though opinions on the conflict have been divided over the decades, a consensus was reached that all of the problems flow from the minute portion of the region that isn't ruled by bloodthirsty, murderous terrorists who want to conquer the entire world.
"It's definitely all Israel's fault," said analyst Ibrahim Hamzi of the Institute for Blaming Jews in Jordan. "We have looked closely at all of the evidence accumulated over the last century and have come to the conclusion that none of the issues that arise in the Middle East can be blamed on the multiple Islamic dictatorships that have caused oppression, rape, murder, and terrorism around the world. Yes, the West lives in fear of Islamic extremists carrying out deadly attacks on heavily populated areas, but that's not the problem. No, it's Israel. Totally Israel."
The scientific study was controversial in some circles but received support from experts in other parts of the world as well. "I concur with the findings," said Professor Mohammed al Muhamad in London. "Even here in the unbiased United Kingdom, we can confidently state that the nation of Israel is solely to blame for the problems in the Middle East. Not the other dozen countries ruled by crazy Muslims."
At publishing time, an impartial coalition of Middle Eastern countries that are Islamic dictatorships presented a solution to solve tensions in the region by wiping Israel off the map.
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