FRISCO, TX — After witnessing the debut of the Minnesota Vikings' new male cheerleaders, the Dallas Cowboys expressed relief that they would no longer be known as the gayest team in the National Football League.
Long regarded as by far the most super-gay NFL franchise, Cowboys executives privately admitted that they were glad to have that crown taken from them by the now vastly more gay Minnesota Vikings.
"We now look entirely heterosexual by comparison," said Cowboys owner, president, and general manager Jerry Jones. "I've been trying for years to find a way to get rid of the ‘gayest NFL team' moniker, but thanks to these new dancing dandies the Vikings introduced, we can finally seem at least a tiny bit more masculine to football fans. Honestly, we need all the help we can get in that area."
NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell said that the league was proud to have a new gayest team. "It's a time-honored tradition," Goodell told reporters. "Though the Cowboys have proudly carried the rainbow banner for a long time, it's exciting to see a new team step up and take the title of gayest team in the league. We'll have to see how long the Vikings can reign at the top of the gay mountain. It'll definitely last at least as long as they have those nancy boys dancing around on the sidelines. I'm referring to the cheerleaders, not the players."
At publishing time, the NFL confirmed that the Las Vegas Raiders would enter the 2025 season as football's most special needs team for the 66th straight year.
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