WASHINGTON, D.C. — As President Donald Trump continues to hint at taking action to require in-person voting in U.S. elections, Democratic leaders warned that a mail-in ballot ban would place undue hardship on dead voters.
Ever the champions of the rights of deceased voters, Democrats alleged that any move to ban mail-in ballots would disenfranchise millions of dead people who vote Democrat in every American election.
"We can't allow President Trump to alienate our dead voters like this," said Congresswoman Nancy Pelosi. "Our late supporters are vital to the success of any Democratic campaign. Banning mail-in ballots will make it far more difficult — if not impossible — for our vast crowds of departed base to make it to the polls in person and cast their votes for Democratic candidates. The Democratic Party itself would be as dead as our supporters."
Other Democrats warned that dead voters are almost completely reliant upon mail-in voting to make their voices heard. "This is such a large pillar of our support," Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer said. "President Trump continues to search for ways to rig elections in his favor, but we cannot let him cut off such a large portion of our perished constituents. To all of our dead supporters out there — we will continue to stand up for your right to mail in your votes for Democrats."
At publishing time, Democrats urged the Supreme Court to intervene by ruling that all of their supporters who live in other countries and are not legally allowed to vote be allowed to vote legally.
Woke Jesus is back with a new collection of socialist teachings for your edification.