PRIOR LAKE, MN — Sources close to local man Todd Stevens say the life-long Minnesotan has decided to switch his allegiance to whichever political party will get this video of the male Vikings cheerleaders off his Twitter feed.
According to Stevens, he's always been fairly ambivalent about politics, but the recent flood of videos featuring male Vikings cheerleaders prancing around with short shorts and pom-poms has turned him into a single-issue voter.
"I don't care about immigration or the climate anymore," sighed Stevens, desperately scrolling past video after video of fruity Vikings cheerboys. "It doesn't even matter if you double my taxes. At this point, I'm just going to vote for whoever promises to get this off my screen. I can't look at this anymore. Please, someone, just take them away."
Nancy Stevens confirmed that her husband wasn't kidding about switching political parties.
"He's been reading fine print on party platforms for the last two days, just hoping to find someone who will make the Vikings cheerleaders go away," Nancy said. "It's getting out of hand — I'm not sure how much more Todd can take. He even said something about the Bull Moose Party yesterday."
At publishing time, Stevens had decided it was easier to become a Packers fan instead.
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