SESAME STREET — One of the most beloved children's entertainment personalities left friends and coworkers stunned after showing off his weight loss from taking Ozempic.
The longtime cookie addict wowed witnesses by displaying a slimmer figure as he strolled down the street among his fellow iconic residents.
"Me has a whole new lease on life! Me is finally happy to look in the mirror!" Cookie Monster growled. "Thanks to Ozempic, me no longer has to feel dissatisfied with me appearance! And the best part is me is able to keep eating cookie after cookie after cookie! Nomnomnomnomnom!"
His fellow neighborhood residents were amazed at the transformation. "He looks like a totally different monster!" said Oscar the Grouch. "He actually looks sickly, if you ask me. Unhealthy. I thought he looked much better before. I always think people look better when they're unhealthy and unhappy."
Others were more complimentary. "I'm all for him feeling better about himself," said Big Bird. "My feathers hide a lot, but I get a bit self-conscious about my body, too. Maybe I should look into trying Ozempic and losing some of this extra fluff."
Cookie Monster said he was now receiving offers for more film and television roles that he never would have gotten otherwise. "Me is so thrilled!" he said. "Me is experiencing a career renaissance!"
At publishing time, Cookie Monster said he would continue taking Ozempic and that the Count would help him keep track of how many pounds he would lose.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
