U.S. - A team of beverage scientists released a report on Tuesday that details an incredible discovery: tea tastes best when dumped out and replaced with coffee.
"Mmmm! Tastes great!" said Dr. Bean Yuban. "We finally cracked the code."
Doctors Eric Folgers and Don Francisco held mugs aloft in salute. It had been a grueling seven weeks of experimenting to perfect the flavors of the tea leaf.
"It works with all sorts of tea flavors. Even the fruity ones," explained Dr. Maxwell Haüs. "Just prepare a hot cup of tea and dump it out in your nearest sink or harbor. Then replace the contents with coffee. Best cup of tea you'll ever have, guaranteed."
Dr. Haüs started his day with a bold cup of earl grey tea that had been swapped out for his favorite Starbucks concoction. It tasted to him like the sun glistening on the morning dew, the day unfolding into a new beginning. Brilliant!
Tea makers have reportedly protested the findings, suggesting that the research was stifled by an obvious coffee bias. The beverage scientists, each an expert in their field, have dismissed naysayers.
"No bias here. Just great tea," they said in a joint statement.
The study was funded by a $500,000 grant from the state of Washington.
Satan held a press conference today responding to the big loss of Roe v. Wade. He's doing his best to keep his chin up.