Adam And Eve Tell God That Putin Made Them Eat Forbidden Fruit
Theology · Mar 15, 2022 ·

EDEN - Mankind was plunged into sin and death after the first man and his wife Eve disobeyed God's command and ate of the tree they were clearly commanded not to eat from. However, new information indicates there's more to the story than originally thought. According to sources, after being caught red-handed by the Almighty, the couple reminded him that all this is really Putin's fault.

"Lord, to be fair, I am NOT responsible," said Adam emphatically. My wife is the one who gave me the fruit, and she was clearly deceived by Russian disinformation spread by Vladimir Putin. Not much I can do about that. Putin is responsible."

Thus began a long life of Adam blaming Putin for everything, including his unkempt vegetable garden, the bad weather, and his failure to complete his honey-do list.

Scholars now concur that Vladimir Putin was likely the cause of The Fall of Man and everything bad that has happened since, upending previous theories that The Fall was caused by white supremacy and COVID. 

Check out Hasbro's latest update to the classic board game "Guess Who?" - now with more genders, inclusion, and fun!* *Fun not guaranteed

Subscribe to our YouTube channel for more tactical instruction

Ready to join the conversation? Subscribe today.

Access comments and our fully-featured social platform.

Sign up Now

You must signup or login to view or post comments on this article.