EVANSVILLE, IN - 8-year-old Sara Yelden has always dreamed of being the best female swimmer in the world and someday winning the gold in the Olympics. However, after watching a man named Lia Thomas break every female swimming record in the book, she has decided to adjust her dream to just winning second place.
"I know that if I work very very hard every day, I can win second place someday," said Sara. "My Mommy and Daddy always told me that there was nothing I couldn't do, but then the schools started letting boys swim against girls so now I have to be more realistic."
Sara hopes to win a full-ride swimming scholarship to Stanford and become a veterinarian. Experts say that as long as no additional gender-confused men enter the fray to compete in women's swimming, she will have a good chance of achieving her dream.
UPDATE: Another trans swimmer has started competing, forcing Sara to readjust her dreams to 3rd place and a scholarship to DeVry.
Satan held a press conference today responding to the big loss of Roe v. Wade. He's doing his best to keep his chin up.