EVANSVILLE, IN - 8-year-old Sara Yelden has always dreamed of being the best female swimmer in the world and someday winning the gold in the Olympics. However, after watching a man named Lia Thomas break every female swimming record in the book, she has decided to adjust her dream to just winning second place.
"I know that if I work very very hard every day, I can win second place someday," said Sara. "My Mommy and Daddy always told me that there was nothing I couldn't do, but then the schools started letting boys swim against girls so now I have to be more realistic."
Sara hopes to win a full-ride swimming scholarship to Stanford and become a veterinarian. Experts say that as long as no additional gender-confused men enter the fray to compete in women's swimming, she will have a good chance of achieving her dream.
UPDATE: Another trans swimmer has started competing, forcing Sara to readjust her dreams to 3rd place and a scholarship to DeVry.
Rumors swirl about the current condition of Senator Mitch McConnell, but his staff have come out to say that even if he were dead he will still be able to finish his term.
