U.S.—Bible scholars now believe that Lot's wife was turned into a pillar of salt after she stopped to take a series of selfies while fleeing Sodom and Gomorrah.
"For a long time the text puzzled us," said evangelical scholar Brett Markin. "Why did she look back? But now it's clear: she hesitated long enough to get a few cute selfies for her Insta."
Experts claim that as she looked into the front-facing camera and snapped a few pics, she saw Sodom and Gomorrah burning and longed to go back to her and Lot's life in the sin-filled cities, causing God to judge her on the spot. Just as she typed in her last hashtag and prepared to upload her favorite selfie to Instagram, she turned into a pillar of salt, dropping and shattering the phone before she could post it.
"Frankly, at least the world was saved from one more selfie," Markin added, shrugging. "It's sad and everything, but yeah. I'm not gonna argue with God's decision on this one."
At publishing time, archaeologists had found Lot's wife's extensive collection of selfie sticks, charred to a crisp.
Breaking: Paypal Now Available
Many of you told us you wouldn't subscribe until we offered Paypal as a payment option. You apparently weren't bluffing, so we finally caved and added Paypal. Now — like the unbeliever faced with God's invisible qualities displayed in nature — you are without excuse.