HELL — Infernal sources have just confirmed that Satan has decided to join the communion of the Episcopal Church.
According to Hell's spokesdemon, Satan had been attending ELCA and United Methodist churches for the past few years before deciding that the Episcopal Church was right for him.
"The Devil just lines up theologically with everything the Episcopalians are preaching," said Junior Devil Shmerklwitz, who serves as Satan's media liaison. "He wasn't really convinced for many years, but one fire-and-brimstone sermon from a gay transwoman bishop on how circumcision was an Old Testament picture of gender transitioning young babies really changed his mind on the denomination. He's their biggest supporter now."
According to local Bishop Glayle Jaemeson (they/them), Satan has been an excellent addition to the Episcopalian fold.
"It's a joy to celebrate the good news every week with this guy," Jaemeson said. "And we love the Sriracha doughnuts he brings for our coffee hour afterward. Top notch fellow — wish more of my parishioners were like him."
At publishing time, Satan had also considered joining the PCUSA, but decided to remain with the Episcopalians because of how much better their rainbow liturgy was.
An elite force from DOGE uncovers the most absurd waste of taxpayer dollars.
