NORTH POLE — Elves in Santa's workshop marched out in protest this week to voice their complaints about declining wages due to an influx of undocumented elves flooding the North Pole.
Several longtime members of Santa's toy assembly staff logged a formal complaint with the shop's elven resources department after yet another busload of undocumented elves from the south arrived.
"Someone has to put a stop to this," Lead Elf Reggie Smallbottom told reporters. "We just got back online after Covid pretty much wiped out our earnings and then — BAMMO — here come all these elves flooding in from third-world elf countries. I've got 15 kids and three wives — as most elves do — and I've been working here and playing by the rules for over 30 years. Who are these guys showing up to steal our jobs?"
Many legal elf migrants expressed their concerns at a meeting this week with Santa after Santa told his employees he was lowering wages for the third straight year. Santa declared the North Pole a sanctuary territory in 2021, creating a migrant crisis that economists said drove down wages and led to a surge in violent crime.
"I don't want to be ‘that guy'," Smallbottom said. "But I will say the reindeer keep disappearing and I'm not gonna say it was these undocumented folks but there does seem to be a correlation here and someone's got to say it."
At publishing time, Santa vowed to stand in the way of anyone trying to deport his undocumented elves.
Here's what RFK Jr. will do to get everyone back in shape!