NORTH POLE — As operations at the North Pole ramped up in preparation for Christmas, Santa Claus confirmed that Hunter Biden was still on the "naughty" list despite receiving a full presidential pardon.
Though President Joe Biden officially pardoned his son of any crime committed or prosecuted in the last decade, Santa's team revealed that it would have no bearing on how Hunter Biden would be classified for all Christmas gift purposes this year.
"Yeah, he's been a permanent fixture on the bad list for a long time," said Dave, a spokeself for Santa's Workshop. "We were made aware of the pardon he received from his father late last night, but our policy is to keep really awful degenerates on the ‘naughty' list regardless of any official act on the part of the government. This is Santa Claus we're talking about here. He's not subject to the laws of the United States. Once the big man says someone's on the ‘naughty' list, they're on the ‘naughty' list."
Sources within the workshop revealed that even a late-night phone call from President Biden was not enough to sway Santa. "He wasn't having it," one high-ranking elf said under the condition of anonymity. "Santa saw those pictures from Hunter's laptop. Those were not the type of ‘ho, ho, hos' we wanted anything to do with. Trust me, once you get on Santa's bad side, he's not so jolly anymore."
At publishing time, sources also confirmed that President Biden himself, his entire cabinet, and a majority of the U.S. Congress were also on the "naughty" list.
There's lots to be thankful for, libs!
