WASHINGTON, D.C. - Several prominent Republicans came forward this week to call for the impeachment or resignation of whoever on earth is telling Biden what to do every day.
"I think it's clear at this point that the person controlling Biden - and telling him what to do and say every moment - is completely incompetent," said Republican Representative Bob McCobb. "We're not really sure who that is, but they need to be impeached immediately. They suck."
Americans increasingly agree with this sentiment, as recent polls revealed record-low approval ratings for whoever that person is who is pulling the strings of the barely sentient President Biden every day.
"Seriously, can he find a person who can put better words in his mouth and tell him better decisions to make?" said one Ohio voter who agreed to be interviewed.
Biden responded to the attacks, saying "The notion that someone is controlling me and telling me what to say and what to do and chewing my food and changing my diapers is absolutely ridiculous. But that's all I'm allowed to say right now."