Home > The Babylon Bee > Quarantine: A Nerd's Utopia
The Babylon Bee
Quarantine: A Nerd's Utopia

This is the Babylon Bee weekly news podcast for the week of 3/18/2020.

Listen to this episode on our podcast page or subscribe using your favorite podcast platform here.

In this episode of The Babylon Bee podcast, editor-in-chief Kyle Mann and creative director Ethan Nicolle discuss the week’s big stories like how our entire society has turned upside down and now the nerds rule, the rise of black markets in hand sanitizer, and how churches our delivering communion elements via drone. They then discuss how we shouldn’t be afraid of coronavirus and how the entire world is under God’s control.

In the subscriber portion, Kyle and Ethan mull over rejected headlines from subscribers and some of the writers. It’s another exciting segment of ‘Almost A Headline!’.

Pre-order the new Babylon Bee Best-Of Coffee Table Book coming in 2020!

Show Outline

Introduction - Kyle and Ethan talk about heroes as a recurring motif in rock songs, Ethan’s wife video chats Ethan from the furniture store, and the guys discuss how people seem to be doing home improvement projects during this coronavirus shutdown.

Story 1 - Nation's Nerds Wake Up In Utopia Where Everyone Stays Inside, Sports Are Canceled, Social Interaction Forbidden

  • Italy Totally Fine Thanks To Universal Healthcare System

    • (From Snopes) The article references a document drawn up by health officials in Turin, a city in Northern Italy hit hard by the virus, with guidelines for if and when “It becomes impossible to provide all patients with intensive care service.” In such a case, the document says, “It will be necessary to apply criteria for access to intensive treatment, which depends on the limited resources available.”

    •  ‘The criteria for access to intensive therapy in cases of emergency must include age of less than 80 or a score on the Charlson comorbidity Index [which indicates how many other medical conditions the patient has] of less than 5.'

Story 2 -  Drug Cartels Switch To Producing Hand Sanitizer

  • Ethan and Kyle act out an episode of 'Breaking Purell.'

Story 3 - Churches Switch To Remote Drone Delivery For Communion

Topic of the Week - Latest Numbers On Coronavirus: 100% Of World Still Under God's Control

Everything-- even church-- being shut down from Coronavirus. “Do not be afraid.”- Jesus

Love Mail/Hate Mail/ Feedback - A dramatic slam poetry minute with Dave DeAndrea. You can not miss this beatnik slam poem sesh! 

Paid-subscriber portion (Starts at 00:53:25)

Kyle and Ethan laugh and mull over rejected headlines from subscribers and the writers.

 

We love our subscribers! They make what we do at The Babylon Bee possible! Please consider becoming a subscriber!

Become a paid subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans.

Breaking: Paypal Now Available

Many of you told us you wouldn't subscribe until we offered Paypal as a payment option. You apparently weren't bluffing, so we finally caved and added Paypal. Now — like the unbeliever faced with God's invisible qualities displayed in nature — you are without excuse.

You must become a premium subscriber or login to view or post comments on this article.