TUCSON, AZ — Local husband Ryan Masterson denied having consumed any radioactive Walmart shrimp, though his wife had her doubts due to his entire body emitting a soft neon green glow.
Masterson continued to maintain his innocence, despite also growing a third ear.
"Nope, wasn't me," said Masterson, as his wife queried him about the missing shrimp. "I know you texted me and said not to eat them, so of course I listened. Yes, I know I'm glowing a little green and am starting to develop gills. That just happens to me sometimes. It's a mystery is what it is."
Though trusting of her husband, Mrs. Masterson admitted she was having trouble believing his story. "It seems a little suspicious, the fact he can now breathe underwater," said Masterson. "When you turn out the lights, he glows like a nightlight. I just can't help but feeling like maybe he ate those shrimp."
At publishing time, Masterson had decided to go ahead and eat several more trays of radioactive shrimp in hopes of developing cool superpowers.
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