AMARILLO, TX — A group of local friends has recruited a Baptist girl so as to always have a designated driver.
Though not particularly heavy drinkers, the group of reformed evangelicals felt the benefit of always having a guaranteed sober driver was worth adding a Baptist.
"Heck yeah, I'll have another glass of wine. Baptist Anita is here!" said local woman Jessica Barnes. "It's been so handy having a Baptist around. We were getting an Uber one night and we saw this Baptist girl leaving, stone sober, and we thought - hey, why don't we get one of those? We should have added a Baptist years ago. Anita's been a great addition."
According to sources, Anita Vargas was surprised to be approached by the friend group, but has enjoyed getting to know them. "A virgin strawberry daquiri, please," said Vargas. "Yes, it's always nice to connect with some dirty heathens. I don't judge, I just sing 'Blessed Assurance' to them on the drive home and pray for their souls. Hopefully, one day, they'll come to Jesus."
At publishing time, the friend group had considered adding a Mormon just in case the Baptist ever went rogue.
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