KENOSHA, WI - Following their "not guilty" verdict in the Kyle Rittenhouse trial, jurors today received a message from the prosecution attorneys. The message stated: "We wish to thank you for your service in this case and your diligent deliberation. We understand that you may have concerns about possible doxing or retaliation by those displeased with the verdict, so we want to say, don't worry if people come after you. Sometimes you just have to take a beating."
In making this statement, the prosecutors were reiterating the new "take a beating" legal standard they initially introduced in their closing arguments when they made the case that the appropriate response to being attacked by a crazed pedophile was to take a beating rather than defending oneself.
Assistant District Attorney Thomas Binger added: "Besides, you jurors should be pretty desensitized to violent threats after I pointed an assault-style weapon at you with my finger on the trigger, am I right?"
When asked if he would be fine with taking a beating himself, Binger responded: "Whoa, hey, hold on there, where's that crazy talk coming from?"
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
