WASHINGTON, D.C. - Kamala Harris was President for 2 hours today while Biden was under anesthesia for a routine colonoscopy, and possibly also heart surgery. It didn't take her long, though, to do some serious damage to the presidential limo after she took it for a spin.
"For gosh golly sakes, Kamala, what did you do to my limo?" said a frustrated President Biden. "I told you not to drive this thing! What happened?"
Sources in Washington say the vehicle had a cracked windshield, dents all over, scratched wheels and spattered blood on the bumper.
"Oh Joe, don't worry about it!" said Kamala with her charming Kamala smile. "I just ran to Target and got some president things, and I tried to parallel park but it's really hard to do that, and then I dented the door, and then I ran over a shopper." Kamala then threw back her head and laughed, as thinking about running over shoppers made her laugh.
"Doggone female!" replied Biden. "Why, if you weren't such an attractive dame I'd be real mad right now! Now go back in the White House and do some Vice President stuff!"
Biden then drove the limo back to the White House garage, and now, in addition to fixing the dents, technicians have to clean the seats.
Satan held a press conference today responding to the big loss of Roe v. Wade. He's doing his best to keep his chin up.