WASHINGTON, D.C.—Horrified members of the press fled the White House lawn today as President Trump began taking off his shirt to prove that he's not obese as Nancy Pelosi claimed.
"Pathetic Nancy Pelosi has mental problems! I am the absolute picture of health!" Trump said solemnly as he started unbuttoning his dress shirt. "Look at this glorious body. Just look at it! Not doctored at all. Just pure Trump!"
"No, Mr. President! We believe you!" shouted journalists as they scrambled to get out of there. "Run away! Keep running!"
But the reporters were terrified to discover that Trump had installed giant projection screens surrounding the area, all of them broadcasting an image of his "incredibly fit" body they would not soon forget.
"See? You're welcome," Trump said to an empty Rose Garden as he put his shirt and sports coat back on. Journalists have promised never to question Trump again as long as he keeps his shirt on.
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