Politics
Democrat Governors Warn If Lockdowns Are Lifted They Won't Get Nearly As Much Time In The Spotlight

U.S.—Democrat governors across the nation have urged states to continue their lockdowns, saying if they end prematurely, their time in the limelight will be over.

"If we end this crisis too soon, my time in the limelight will be up," said California Governor Gavin Newsom. "I can't let this $500 hair cut go to waste. I spend thousands on hair gel alone every month. If I can't give a press conference every night, it's all for nothing!"

Governor Andrew Cuomo of New York agreed.

"We must continue this crisis as long as possible so that people will know who I am," he said. "I mean, I'm holding press conferences all the time! They're great press conferences, riveting television. Can you imagine if people didn't have that every day? What would they do?"

A study confirmed the governors' worst fears, showing that in states with no COVID-19 restrictions, people don't think about the government much at all and just go about their daily lives. "We can't let that happen," said Michigan Governor Gretchen Whitmer.

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