PORTLAND, OR—With hard drugs now legal in Oregon, local businesses are looking to capitalize on the new laws to serve a wider client base. One of the most exciting reveals came from local Denny's restaurants, who announced they will begin offering meth omelets to their hungry customers.
"Hey, why not?" said local franchise operator Bugg Bunkachug. "The business is struggling these days and I'm not sure anything matters anymore at this point so we might as well put meth on an omelet. Come get 'em!"
The Portland-exclusive menu item will be offered at a reasonable price of $1,200. For customers who don't have that much money, Denny's will also accept TVs, jewelry, and stolen IDs in exchange for a delicious meth omelet.
"Each omelet will be lovingly prepared with two fresh-cracked organic eggs, organic spinach, and a healthy heap of low-grade crystal meth right on top," said Bunkachug. "We will also offer ham-and-crack, as well as feta-and-fentanyl varieties!"
In addition to their brand new product offerings, Portland Denny's is also announcing they are hiring for all positions since they lost all their employees in a massive meth explosion last week.