Popular New 'Noah Diet' Has You Eat Two Of Every Animal At Every Meal
Health · Feb 18, 2020 · BabylonBee.com

TONASKET, WA - Move over, keto. Step aside, carnivore diet. There's a new meat-based diet taking the Christian world by storm, and it's straight out of the Bible. Its adherents call it "the Noah diet," and just like the popular story of old, it involves two of every animal.

The man who made the diet popular is pastor Floyd Embry of Raging Grace church in Tonasket. He claims the diet is 100% God and scripture-based. "Look at the original text in Genesis 6. God says 'Bring into the ark two of all living creatures, male and female, to keep them alive with you. Two of every kind of bird, of every kind of animal and of every kind of creature that moves along the ground will come to you to be kept alive.' This term 'kept alive' can also be translated 'kept on ice' or 'kept delicious.' Now here's another part people miss in this verse. God clarifies and says, 'You are to take every kind of food that is to be eaten (reiterating what he just said about two of every animal) and store it away as food.' The Bible could not be more clear on this."

Some believe the ark is an allegorical tale meant to symbolize the proper diet. It is like a big, wooden, large intestine and the animals represent food.

The diet calls for adherents to eat two of every animal at every meal. While some complain the price would add up on all that meat, Embry says, "you can't put a price on good health." Embry is also developing new Noah milkshakes that contain two of every animal blended together in one delicious, easy-to-prepare smoothie. "We're also working on a jerky line," Embry told reporters.

It is wise to check with your doctor before shifting to the Noah diet. If the doctor denies the authenticity of the Noah diet, rebuke them in the name of Jesus for their unbelief.

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